Message in a crystal ball
by Li-lottakarme
Summary: Sarah, a prolific journalist, is confronted  again  with excessive amounts of glitterage, a goblin who 'squeebs' alot and had an obsessive lustful liking to Steve Tyler and a suprise in the form of a crystal ball...
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer; My first Labyrinth fanfic. Do I expect you to read this? Well it depends on the level of leather, crotch, glitter, goblins who go squeeeb and has an abnormal lustful obsession towards Steve Tyler from Aerosmith you are able to cope with. **_

_**Expect Fangasms and serious levels of mind warpage. **_

_**I don't (unfortunately) own labyrinth or a goblin named Scubs who has a bizarre liking for burnt things. **_

_**Reviews are my motivation to right more, However I don't blame you for depriving me of my writing petrol Taking and exaggerating any teeny tiny possibilty of a fanfiction is infact my forte. Please however enjoy.**_

_**Prologue: If your life was infact dictated by a goblin who lived in a kingdom far far away in the middle of nowhere...somewhere, I suppose an element of insanity my just possibly occur somewhere. Especially when any potential love interests or relationships are sabotaged by excessive amounts of glitter in their sock draw. **_

The computer screen flashed a few times minutes after I hit the on button. I massaged my temple in a circular motion, a method I used habitually when trying to cope with stress. There were deadlines that had to be met, emphasise on death. God I remember when I could weave stories from any string of thought planted in my head. I laughed at the thought. Those were the days when I wrote for pleasure, not deadlines, my biggest devotee was my little brother Toby and the only time frames in which I ''worked'' was between seven thirty and eight,my little brothers bed time.

I had a vivid imagination, so vivid in fact I could leave Toby cowering in his bed sheets, or looking around for any potential glitter loving, groin complimenting- hedge hog head silhouette that may possibly stalk my room at ungodly hours.

Unfortunately Toby was right to be sceptical. The story telling stopped as Toby got older and grew weary of my juvenile, exaggerated way of telling them, which he oh so loved as a baby.

It was then I became ''out of practice'' if you will, yet I still pursued my passion to become a journalist. That was a big mistake.

I usually went off on a tangent when writing about the public, attempting to put a creative spin that resulted in them becoming impractical as opposed to informative. That's where ''my great imagination left me. H ours and hours of editing at twelve o clock at night. Oh bloody joy.

BUMP! An unfamiliar and unsettling noise woke me up. The document up on the screen was crammed with H's from where I had rested my arm. I unstuck my face from the table and brandished any weapon that came to hand.

Stumbling downstairs armed with swirly straw that had been chewed on the ends, I fumbled for the light switch.

''I SEE YOU!'' I forced out wielding my swirly straw at any potential on comer. I maintained my fencing type post, which did seem threatening at the time.. I relaxed and dropped my pose.

''SQUUEEEEEEEB''

''Jesus cheee-riiist!'' I screamed waving my straw like a lunatic. ''Oh it's you scubs''. I withdrew my weapon and bent down until I was face to face with a tiny goblin I had a effectively adopted from the labyrinth. Scubs was say the runt of the litter, the only noise he could make was ''squeeb', unlike other goblins which articulate well enough to insult you and to tell you they are taking your toilet brush as a walking stick.' Scubs fell out of my initial wardrobe porthole Jareth had set up in my old bedroom, in the house I lived in when I was a child. He resembled an in bread cha wa wa with learning difficulties and a bad haircut. He was constantly bumping into things which I suppose justifies his ''odd'' behaviour and explains his pupils which seem to gravitate towards his nose.

Scubs has an aquired taste for burnt food which bodes well for me with my culinary skills. In that aspect he is ying and i'm yang, we sort of work together. -Ish. He developed that name back in the day when I wasn't socially inept and had a flatmate here named Jed. He was an intern at southhall hospital and a certain house pet which I managed to pass as a dog (somehow) took a liking to his scrubs. He struggled to say that word and referred to them ''Scubs'' and gave extra loud ''squeebs'' of bliss when rolled up in them. After they were laundered. Jed had a good innings I suppose. The final straw was finding abnormal amounts of glitter in his draws and bndge resembling whips in his sock draw. A glitter inforced sabotage from a perverted, puerile, peroxide obsessing freak. Now the only guy who calls my flat is my father who constantly checks no boys are ''taking advantage or messing me around''.I told him I don't need a chastity belt if some perverse pixie is effectively padlocking it up like fort Knox! At that point he had asked me if I had been drinking or if that was some rude metaphor us ''kids'' used today and would I care to explain. I played the over working card which hopefully prevents all possible awkward questions.

Scubs had taken an immeasurable liking to my Aerosmith posters, and one member in particular; Steve Tyler. Numerous posters had been missing and turned up in Scubs basket folded up into a scroll. The linen cupboard, in which he has claimed his bedroom, is now a haven to all things Aerosmith or Steve Tyler. Once when on the television he gave an almighty squeeeeeb and squeebed all the way through in time with ''I don't wanna miss a thing''. He did in fact destroy that song for me and I can never listen to that song in the same way again. I have been driven to hiding all my Aerosmith concert memorabilia in the deep depths of my wardrobe, but since the change, Scubs nose has adapted to now sniffing it out. I gave up eventually.

Ring

Ring

I jumped at the noise. ''Hangon hangon''

''Helllooo?''

''Sarah, is that you''

''Speaking yes''

''Are you there?''

''Err yes I tend to give that illusion'' I was getting frustrated as I recognised the voice; my stepmother Angela. She calls here every so often, as if she feels obligated, or like my father. It ends up as pointless conversation, and attempts the ''girly chat routine'' trying in someway to replicate a mother.

''I hear you now. Well I called to confirm dinner arrangements net Tuesday.''

''Yes. I confirmed with Dad yesterday...''

''Oh that's good silly old me going senile at this age.'' She paused for a laugh, but filled it in herself. I remained silent. ''Well I invited a friend from work with a dashing young boy, similar to your age in fact, perhaps take this opportunity to maybe go out sometime?''

''Look works hard right now and-''

''Grasp what you can Sarah, this is great opportunity for you, your a beautiful young girl with great prospects and I have organised a shopping trip, just you and me. I will collect you at nine thirty tomorrow, an early start and we can have the day to ourselves. ''

Before I could reject this offer she put the phone down with a ''see you tomorrow bright and early'' and a blood curdling giggle. Scubs gave a rueful squueeb and licked my toenails. Scubs had to come with I couldn't leave him alone. I think he knew. I had to put him in that god awful Gucci dog carrier in which Angela sent me for Christmas even though she remained unconvinced it was a dog. Scubs had chewed the hell out of it. I think it's demeaning to any animal let alone a very un- fashion conscience goblin who seemed to hate the smell of new bag.

I decided it was time for bed. So boiled some milk and left it to curdle for Scubs whilst I threw on a sweatshirt and pants. The milk came off the boil and poured the lumpy concoction into the drinking bowl.

Scubs ran over to his burnt milk, and as he did so, a tiny scroll released from Scubs three hairy fingers. rolled onto the floor right in front of my feet as if it had a mind of its own.

'

I picked it up and fumbled with the tiny ribbon it was wrapped in. I pinched the ends to unravel it and the tea stained parchment remained blank. Suddenly letters appeared one by one in a cursive style writing, scratching as if a fountain pen was at the other end. The letters settled on the paper nd it read;

_My dearest Sarah_

_I think it is time I paid you a visit._

_Soon and in time_

_Also those pyjamas won't do at all now will they?_

_I think something a little more...sultry may suffice._

I shivered, I felt as if he was speaking to me. A warm breath travelled down my back and I turned around abruptly. Nothing was there...

A crystal ball rolled across the floor, turning Scrubs attention and he chased after it.

He came back soon enough as it disappeared, looking unsuccessful.

I massaged my temple in a circular motion. Habitual for stress.

For I knew it was a matter of time before Jareth paid me a visit...


	2. Chapter 2

**Note from what I like to call myself..''The author''**. Thank you for reviews people, sorry I was longer than intended, busy, busy, _**busy...**_

_**Don't worry mind warpage is to follow soon enough. Suggestions are taken well, criticisms well-ish. Hope you enjoy.(:**_

_**''Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young girl whose stepmother always made her stay home with the baby. And the baby was a spoiled child, and wanted everything to himself, and the young girl was practically a slave. But what no one knew is that the king of the goblins had fallen in love with the the girl, and he had given her certain powers. So one night, when the baby had be particularly cruel to her, she called on the goblins for help!  
: "Say the right words," the goblins said, "and we'll take the baby to the castle, and you will be free!" But the girl knew, that the Goblin King would keep the baby in his castle for ever and ever and ever, and turn it into a goblin! And so the girl suffered in silence. Until one day, when she was tired from a day of housework, and she was hurt by the harsh words of her stepmother, and she could no longer stand it...'' Sarah say the words,one more wish to for fill your ultimate desires, Sarah?**_

''SARAH'!''

Ring

Ring

Ring

''Huh?, What?, wait.., you have any power over me!'' Another appearance from the underground. I brushed the remaining fragment of dream from my mind and breathed a sigh to normality.

Ring...

''Sarah? Sarah let me in. We had an agreed time and you are late, it is now 10.00am. Sarah if this is your way of rebelling then this is just sheer impertinence-...'' The bothersome tones of my stepmother was enough to wake the dead, dig themselves out of their own grave and fleet towards the general direction of Timbuktu ...

I sprawled my self over my bed, and squinted at the substantial amount of light coming from my 50cm x 50cm window. I groaned as loud as I could, grabbed a robe and stood at the top of the stairs, actually debating whether to let her in.

I buzzed her eventually and told her she could put the kettle on.

''Did you not hear your alarm Sarah? You know to reach maximum efficiency, I set two alarms, one next to me and one at the other end of the bedroom..''

''No funnily enough I missed the alarm.'' A blatant lie.. ''But it was your dulcet tone that woke me..''

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes heavenward.

''Listen, I figured we could browse at a few clothing items to day, then a brief lunch, how about it?''

Not that she left me much of a choice, she was telling me what to do, but putting it in a from of a question made it seem like I had the choice..

''Sounds fabulous'' Even though I avoided the sarcastic tones, A positive comment from me to my stepmother would never be taken as anything more than that.

I slumped down the stairs and stirred my coffee in sheer lethargy. I turned to face Angela and greeted her with an awkward smile and turned away to sip my coffee. Clearly not used to the instant stuff, it had lumps and they floated to the top.

''You better hurry and get changed then, we really don't have too long if we are going to remain on schedule''

''I am changed'' I said pulling my sleeves from my grey oversized jersey over my hands in embarrassment.''And I'll have you know these are my best sweats''...

Angela stared, wondering whether to take it as a joke or not, Angela is not in fact one of the humorous types so looked at the floor in discomfit and scowled.

I turned around to take another sympathy sip of coffee and spotted a basket from Angela on my counter covered by a rather beautiful cloth. It was ebony black with a white lining. It looked satin soft to touch. I reached out to touch-

''Oh yes, I found that outside your door this morning, beautiful isn't it?''

My hand immediately retracted and I eyed the basket for any potential snakes or crystals that may be lurking.

''Outside? Did you see who sent it?'

''Oh no, but its just a fruit basket, nothing lethal, I was tempted to take a piece as it just looked so tempting...'' Her eyes glistened ''Look at me I'm salivating'' She smiled an oh so creepy smile.

I was sceptical, emergency lights flash in my head and pushed the basket a side. An envelope fell to the floor, and watched, expecting sparkles or some from of glitter to emit from the paper. I picked it up and tore it open. I was relieved to find no tea stained looking scrolls,or letters appearing before me. I was satisfied to find spidery bull point pen-written note reading;

_I'm the new neighbour in flat 16 next to you,_

_a gift for my new neighbour, I hope you thoroughly enjoy_

_Elric._

My mind reverted to last week, I remember helping a few people to move some boxes, when I was moving into too. I never met the person, but I suppose this his him. I should pay him a visit this afternoon I suppose.

''SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEB''

A hungry Scubs collided into Angela's tea, causing it to smash onto the floor. Angela screamed and I could not help but laugh. He employed his toilet brush menacingly at Angela and squeebed I excitement. Admittedly that was one of the best ''re-leaver'' of awkward silences that has ever occurred. Angela attempted to put him and held one hand out reluctantly. Scubs excitement subsided an he rubbed his head on Angela's pink frilly skirt and purred. He then pounced onto the broken china and began to eat it.

''mmmm squeeeeb''

I decided letting him loose in shops full of leather and items that may resemble those of the frilly skirt kind, I decided to lock him in the skirting cupboard and shuffle my CD player with lots of Aerosmith. That should keep him amused long enough. I left him feeling mildly content hoping he would be OK.

…..

The day wore on and about three to many frilly numbers later we feasted at place which only seemed to serve salads. We discussed dinner arrangements on Tuesday and what I was going to wear for it. Something frilly I assumed...

I came back baring gifts from Angela in the form of multiple bags, labelled with brands I had barely heard of let alone pronounce. I was happy to arrive back at my imperfect flat. I was absolutely starving from my puny salad and ''amuse bouche''. I had nothing in the fridge except for some,Camembert but funnilly enough I had enough of French sounding things.

I unlocked the airing cupboard door and found Scubs snoozing on the CD player. I suppose I could fry up the cheese in the pan and completely over cook it of course, the smell should wake him up.

I put the kette on to make some coffee and contemplated the quietness and loneliness,no one to laugh with whilst drinking mugs of coffee, no one to sit on the sofa with to watch utter rubbish on the television with...no one to care really...

The cheese was frying and I left it to burn, whilst I decided what to eat. Until I could afford lobster dipped in butter at a mediocre journalists wage, I will stick to crackers and coffee...

I decided I will make an effort from lunch, I disposed of any crystals in the vicinity and there is no way Jareth could constantly keep tabs on me 24-7. I think its time I started dating again.

Scubs came in, his nose gravitating towards the burning cheese. I took it off the pan and served it up for him. I saw the fruit basket on the counter and licked my lips. Fruit was going to have to satisfy my hunger for now, then back to my articles.

The fruit was sweet and tart,I could smell it through the cloth. I took it off and stared at the fruit

''Oh shit!'' I said aloud

The basket was full to the brim of peaches. Sweet, tempting, appetizing peaches. Most likely spiked. My mind reverted to the note.''Elrich''? Who else could come with an elvish, curious 80's name? I also thought of Angela. She looked memorized and under spell. The idiot charmed them, or cursed them, whatever you want to call it.

Of course..._ ''Jareth can't keep tabs on me 24-7''_

Jareth was going to be my neighbour.

He lives opposite me and it occurred to me.

**THAT** is exactly how...


	3. Chapter 3

**Note from what I like to call myself sometimes...''the author'': **Dear world

I deeply apologise for my absence and therefore lack of updates. I did in fact wish my sister away to some goblins and I had significant trouble negotiating with a certain Goblin King or something to that effect. I hate deadlines, however I do admit that was a lot of time to not update. Squeeb says hi to the fans and he is somewhere deep within the depths of my cupboard. He was gnawing on my Avenged Sevenfold album as he will always remain faithful to Aerosmith. (Thankyou Rachel, a kick up the backside was necessary)

I decided to write a third person perspective on how Jareth is getting on, I thnk he deserves his own chapter at least, he is a king after all.

I love to know what people thing so bring in the !**REVIEWS!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Labyrinth yet, however I have a new found faith in my negotiating skills with certain Goblin Kings and intend to use them on the copyright owners. Wish me luck...

Jareth tried flicking his wrist. Then shortly after a snap of the fingers. Failing which a spider man gesture and dancing around manically was in order, however nothing worked. It was true, his powers simply weren't compatible in human mater. Jareth slumped onto the nearest box and settled for a minute. Magic was second nature to him and was always subconsciously done, his crystals worked because he was able to control it from the vicinity of the castle but now he wasn't sure if that was able to work. Three eyes popped up from within the depths of a box named ''The goblinz'' clearly ineptly written by the goblins themselves. This three eyed goblin seemed to have dubbed this box its home and christened it with Jareth's leather glove range.

Five more goblins came running from around the corner and came to an abrupt stop only to observe their masters new profound self. There eyes dilated in confusion and fright as they were used to their master brandishing some weapon or a sharp object flying in their general direction,.but instead he looked distantly into the...floral wall paper and regarded his situation.

….

a few minutes of plotting and scheming later.. he was sitting on top of a pile of boxes which he constructed, attempting to dominate the room, armed with a poker he found by the fire and thought primitively. He figured how former mythical beings coped without the aid of magic. He of course had his minions, not the brightest of the lot, in fact some maybe so stupid they are considered a liability, however they are faithful and he could utilize this to this advantage. Firstly he was going to put the goblins on watch, then he was going to sort his image, he had observed a substantial difference between him and the human kind.

…

Jareth returned home to an empty flat .It was absolutely huge, in fact he was told it was the biggest of the building, he had a jacuzzi and a marble surface kitchen all of which was open plan. He was relatively happy with his new domain, but it wasn't quite ''it'' with out his throne. He would get that sorted sooner or later. It had been a long, long day for Jareth as shopping for an ego as large as Jareth's or simply satisfying vanity as vast as his was going to take a substantial amount of time. This of course was extended monumentally as a 6ft 80's, mythical elf like leather obsessive pervert was wondering the urban jungle of New York equipped with a limitless credit card (constructed at the castle).

Jareth didn't of course return with the most pragmatic of material, but he did however have an ear piercing and one hundred cans of hair spray.

''Stupid goblins, cant follow through with one task I set them, report back as soon as possible I said.'' Jareth sighed and rubbed his scalp, buried deep under his blonde main. He glanced at a broken mirror that his ''minions'' had smashed when under the belief they were fighting with their reflection. He admired the person staring back and pouted as he flexed his muscles. He agreed lot more shopping was in order, as he admittedly enjoyed it. A lot.

…

Jareth was awoken by a tugging of his hair and he grabbed his poker to destroy whatever dared to touch his pride.

''GRRR''. Jareth gave a comical spin but the creature was latched on tightly. Jareth picked off the runt and though it against a wall.

''SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUB''.

''that'll teach you'' He muttered and picked off the now rock hard bits of spray that caused Squeeb to stick so fiercely to his hair. Squeeb stumbled and it was clear to Jareth he had something.

''Give that here'' Jareths eyes narrowed and he snarled menacingly

One of squeebs eyes crept unintentionally to the side and stayed there, which gave him a rather insane look. He growled and backed off.

''Here squeeby squeeby sqeebo''

Squeeb jerked his legs in a mentally retarded like fasion and attempted to run. His sense of direction (or lack of it) allowed him to zip in different directions very quickly, which Jareth could have sorted with a swift hand movement, however he had a few tooth brushes and a fire poker. Jareth thought and twiddled his new ear ring which sparked an idea. He took it out and fumbled with the gold and emerald stones that dangled from the ring. He shook it generously and allowed pauses to hear any pitter patter of feet. He heard an unsubtle clanging of dish pans and boxes being desperately pushed over in a bid to follow the noise. Jareth saw Squeeb's eyes light up and his tongue was hanging loosely out of his mouth as he grabbed Jareth's shiny ear ring.

Squeeb dropped what was in his hand and Jareth picked it up quickly whilst Squeeb's attention remained diverted. Jareth hd in his hand an unopened envelope addressed to Sarah. Squeeb had a habit of picking up Sarah's post and occasionally wuld come to the castle with something of use to keep and eye. He opened it rapidly and read . Jareth was quick and he scorned at the letter whilst sharply crushing it in one hand. The letter simply read;

_Dear Sarah,_

_The meal was thoroughly enjoyable_

_and I will gladly come with you for lunch _

_yours Jacob x_

I think its time I paid her flat a wee visit, and Jareth snarled bearing his white gnashers. Squeeb looked up and squirmed uncomfortablty.

The next day Jareth returned from another days worth of shopping. He enthusiastically smiled and bared his teeth with utter satisfction.

''My oh my isnt human technology absolutely fantastic'' He said this whilst unloading a bag full of spy cameras.

''These humans have a use after all...''


End file.
